Wow, What a Day!

I have a headache. This is what happens to this brown-haired, brown-eyed girl when she spends part of every waking hour in a day crying to some degree or another. Today has been a tough one in a couple different ways. First it was the boys last day of school. While this seems like a normal every year thing that shouldn't evoke emotions in a normally stable person, this year is different...

We are once again moving. This was the last day the boys will ever attend school in that building. The feelings of guilt inside me are eating me alive. Prophet cried a few different times during the day as he said goodbye to his friends. D.K. never did cry, which is funny because he's normally the dramatic one of the two of them. I made sure they were both able to say goodbye and hug their teachers. I took about 80 pictures of them and their friends, the school building, their classrooms, the outside of the building, and the playground to put together an album representing this year of their lives. I am so heartbroken for them. They are worried they won't make friends at their new school. Every teacher that I've talked to at the school during the last few days has been very encouraging, saying how well-adjusted our boys are and that they know they'll adjust easy in a new school because they adjusted so easily here. That makes me feel better. After school when we were all standing in the hallway saying our goodbyes and crying, the vice-principal came over and hugged the boys and I and told me that she moved 11 times growing up and went to almost as many schools. I asked if she was an army brat and she told me that she's a minister's kid. She seems normal enough. Maybe there's hope that this won't effect them as much as I'm afraid it will. Both the boys were excited about the fact that they had something in common with her. They both talk about her all the time and think she's cool.

So yes I'm finally telling the world our big knews. No, I'm not pregnant. The insurance issues with our current church were not able to be resolved. We were promised group insurance that would cover me and my preexsisting conditions starting in January when the church conference insurance opened up for new employees, even given quotes on how much our 40% of the cost would be. They found private policies to cover us in the six or so months before that. The kids and Smart Guy had Blue Cross Blue Shield policies, but with Crohns, private insurance companies blacklist you. We did find one company that would take me, but it's a lousy policy and has no prescription coverage. Starting this past January, we all were supposed to be moved to the church conference group policy and by HIPPA laws they have to cover my preexsisting conditions. In December, the "powers that be" at the church, suddenly decided that it would cost the church too much money to pay for it and backed out of their promise for the group insurance. After much prayer and pleading with them, they have done nothing to help us out at all. We have been thru a colonoscopy,three surgeries, three hospitilizations, numerous dr. visits, lots of lab work, and a ton of prescription meds with lousy insurance coverage and no prescription coverage at all. The committee (SPRC) decided last week that they believe that they have met their committment to us regarding insurance and that we have not done our job to make sure that I'm getting everything covered (ex. calling all the drug companies to get free drugs so they don't have to feel guilty about the fact that they backed out of their promise to us). We have indeed called the companies and have indeed been approved for one of the most expensive drugs when I'm ready. They don't know this because they have not asked about it and have just accused us of not doing anything for ourselves. They have told us that we have to recognize the fact that insurance doesn't cover everything and that we all have to be increasingly resposible for more and more of our own medical costs. DUH! We are just now coming out of a horrible debt because almost ten years ago when our precious oldest child was born, insurance didn't cover everything. We know that already, we aren't stupid! They told us that it is "too premature" to ask for or to expect any help from the church because we don't know what all the bills will total after they all go thru the insurance. Pardon me, but I thought that the job of the local church was to step-up and help ease the burden when there was a family known to have an incredible need. While the people of the church have brought many, many wonderful and very appreciated meals, not a single person has addressed the financial aspect of any of this. The fact of the matter is this.... we have recieved checks from people who don't even personally know us, churches ten hours from here that held spaghetti dinners in our name, family members, church friends from Alabama, a mens' prayer group that met in OH one morning and had us on their prayer list, decided they needed to collect money to send to us. The very first check we recieved was from Farm Fairy. She has only known me since November and never actually met me. We've never even been fortunate enough to hug one another, yet she saw a need in someone she had come to love and immediately jumped on it. I'm not by any means asking for or saying that I expect money from anyone, don't misinterpret that. I'm merely saying that while many others that aren't even around us on a daily basis saw and see the need and have very lovingly given of the little that some of them have, our own church somehow has made us feel like by asking them to come up with a solution to this mess that's been caused by their lack of committment to a promise they made, that we are being somehow greedy. They very much made us feel that we were irresponsible and didn't do our part. This is simply not true. They did not keep their promise. This is not a matter of opinion or something to be decided and discussed. We were given a promise, and they did not keep it. This is a yes/no thing. They either provided the insurance or they didn't... they didn't.

After weeks of not keeping us informed about anything be discussed concerning our family, two SPRC members asked Smart Guy if he had five minutes to spare on Sunday morning to inform him of their decision that they felt they had met their committment to us. As if Sunday mornings aren't busy enough. For anyone reading this that may want to discuss a business matter with a church staff person...do it sometime other than a Sunday morning. That morning is already busy with Sunday school classes being taught, helping with the worship service and parents wanting info about upcoming trips and such. Then if they can shut down their minds long enough, they try to get in some meaningful worship. I was appalled that they did it and when I asked them why it was done that way, the head of SPRC told me that because he owns his own business that he had a lot of time away from his family during the week and didn't want to take away anymore from them. I let him know that it was a very, very poor decision on his part. He actually did apologize, but that doesn't mean we'll ever get that Sunday morning worship time back.

After they told him that they had decided they had met their commitment to us, Smart Guy resigned on the spot, two days earlier than planned. Their first question to him was "how will you support your family?" Suddenly they cared. He took great delight in telling them that he already had another position with full medical coverage.

For those of you that haven't recieved an email or forward from me in the last few weeks, we have found another position. The Lord provided us with a new ministry when we needed it. I have come to accept it. I can feel the prayers that have gone up from many of you in the last few weeks as this has been occuring. Thank you. This new job has about the same base salary, but they pay for all the insurance (no 60/40). It's group insurance from the very first hour he begins working for them. This particular denomination has all of it's staff in the entire country under the same policy making it easier for them to keep down costs. What a concept,why don't the rest of the denominations follow suit?

So in one month we will be moving to OH to start a new chapter in our lives. We've starting packing. I do a little at a time and rest. I get tired quick. Smart Guy has been working on getting the garage packed up. The kids have been told and really took it pretty well.

The church staff that hadn't figured it out yet, were told today at the staff meeting. Then at 3:00 this afternoon, two members of SPRC who had scheduled a meeting with Smart Guy to discuss the logistics of how to tell the church. They walked in and told him that his resignation is effective immediately (as in today) and asked for his keys. WHAT? He has to clean out his office during office hours and is supposed to leave no questions asked or answered. He's supposed to go to church camp with a big group of kids and youth staff on Friday. He's the youth pastor, he's the one that knows what going on and he's not supposed to go. How does it make sense to leave your youth sponsors and kids high and dry with no explanation? It's not happening. He's going on that trip. He'll probably drive behind the bus and follow them down so he can be there. It's not fair to the kids not to be able to say goodbye. It's also not fair to my husband who loves them and had no plans to leave them. He's continued planning for next fall and getting everything in line, just hoping that maybe by some chance things would fall into place. I so wish they had.

Our phone rang off the hook this afternoon as word got out amongst the staff and a few others that SPRC had pulled this premature telling him just to get out as if he's in the wrong. We had one of youth sponsors over here for awhile this evening letting us vent. Everyone is on our side and supporting us. This could unfortunately cause a big problem in the church as people begin asking why we are leaving/have left. Most people (probably 99%) in the church have no knowledge that there is a problem at all as I've only shared with three friends. Although SPRC apparently thinks I was running my mouth because they had our senior pastor tell Smart Guy to make me control myself and not talk about the issue with anyone or he would be fired. If it had been shared with the rest of the church, I feel very strongly that the problem could have been resolved and we wouldn't be leaving to start a new life... AGAIN.

BUT, God has provided a new ministry at a time when we needed it with benefits that we need. We are thankful for that. Now I have to work on building the road towards forgiving this very small group of people responsible for this. Thanks for your prayers, keep 'em coming, we still need them.

p.s. I went to my surgeon for another follow-up yesterday. We went to the right place this time. She said I look great. The setons are doing their job and I'll be able to start the good meds soon. Once again, thanks for all you prayers.
p.s.s. for those couple of you at church that read this and don't about any of this yet, (although you had to know it was a possibility) I apologize. I've waited long enough and had to post it. I love you guys and hate that this is happening.

Who Am I

This is an amazing song by Casting Crowns. I sang it two summers ago at the West Virginia State Christian Endeavor conference when it was at Smart Guy's home church and the words live in my heart at all times. I wish I could put the video on, but everytime I get on youtube, my puter shuts down on me. So here's the words. Read them. Think about them. If you know the tune, sing it quietly to yourself. How is it possible that the One who created everything around me calls me His and cares about every hurt and struggle within me? I still don't understand how little ole me has such an amazing Creator. In light of today's happenings, I will be meditating on this song and claiming it.

Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

I'm So Vain

Okay, so we go out to the car after church this morning. I bend over to look at something under the van and see my legs. It's been about two weeks since I shaved them and I wore capri (crop - don't know the diff) this morning. My legs are pasty-white and hairy...oooooooooooo gross! Thankfully the lights in the sanctuary are always dim. I know I'm pathetic, but I have this thing with my own hairy legs in public.

Bad Morning

Okay, so I hate the thought that I'm one of THOSE moms that could be yelling at her children, hear the phone ring, and then answer in a sugary sweet "nothing is wrong here" kind of voice. That's just what this morning has been like. Smart Guy left for first service around 7:30 or so. I got up shortly afterwards with plans to leave with all three children at 9:30 and make it to Sunday School this morning. I basically had 1 hour and 45 minutes to get myself and the kids up, dressed, primped, fed, and out the door. No problem, I've done it in much less time than that. But on this particular morning, the cards seemed stack against me. There wasn't anything specific that jumps out at me that caused us to be crazy...well, Prophet spilled milk all over the floor, and oh yah, Bee dumped strawberry applesauce all over the floor, and then there was the lotion incident right before she was supposed to be getting dressed. Have I ever mentioned that Prophet and Bee fight. It drives me crazy. Everything is a competition between. If I ask someone to turn of the tv, they both jump up and run for the button, Bee screaming all the way. If I ask someone to let the dog out, they both jump and run for the door, Bee screaming all the way. In case you've forgotten Prophet is 9 1/2 and Bee is 4. There should be no competition. They argue about everything. The other can never be right. So all morning they fought. I could here them all the way upstairs when they were downstairs. The funny thing is that D.K. usually stays out of all the fighting, which is odd since he's the dramatic one of the three.

So, I decided that as soon as I dropped the kids off in their classrooms, I was heading towards Smart Guys office to be alone during Sunday School. When I got here, he was in here, which he never is during S.S. with two members of the long forgoten SPRC having some kind of chat. Can't wait to here what was so important that after not talking to him or responding to anything for months now, they thought they had to interupt his already busy Sunday morning with a chat!

Bye, Bye

Remember our baby birds? Well, they disappeared one morning last week. They were there when I checked when I got out of bed. When I looked again a couple hours after my shower, they were gone. The nest is empty. I'm sure something got'em and dined on them, but the kids have decided that the mama bird didn't like being out in the open during the storm the night before and decided to move them to better cover.

That's their story and they're stickin' to it!

Our Internet is Back

Hey everyone! Smart Guy decided to check to see if our internet was back on right before he got into bed, and it was, so here I am finally. Do any of you have Verizon as your server? We do and we are very unhappy with them. Everytime we turn around something.... satelite, phone, internet is being turned... never all at once and not for any reason that we can actually figure out. We are soooo done with them when our contract is up next month!

Well, I'm doing pretty good right now. The right seton has been really, really sore for a few days now. I have another check-up with my surgeon in Indy tomorrow. Hopefully she'll look at me and decide I'm healing and don't need anymore meds or surg. When I took my last antibiotic last week, Smart Guy and the kids took me to Red Lobster for dinner. It actually looked and tasted good. I had my usual shrimp! We picked the boys up from school and went straight there. I think we'll go out early from now on. We had the entire place practically to ourselves. It was really cool. The waitress was able to stand and chat with the kids, or should I say listen to Bee tell her our life story and wasn't rushed at all.

Friday we traveled to IL to see my mom graduate from college. It was awesome. She's been working on it for 38 years. She's such an example to me and hopefully all other women out there that life goes on during and after mothering. She was the only one who raised in her arms up in the air in victory as her named was called and walked across the stage to get her diploma. I'm tearing up just thinking about this victory for her. She had a bunch of people there cheering her on. Family and friends both. We all went out for pizza at my favorite midwestern pizza place... Monical's... afterwards. I got to see my brother and sil for the first time since the family reunion back at the beginning of November. I can only imagine how different I looked to them. I've lost 30 pounds since Nov. when they saw me. The next day, my aunt and uncle from Nashville were also in town, so we all went out to lunch together. I love being with my family. Unfortunately we are all so spread out nowadays that it's rare for all of us to be together at the same time. That's why we try to do the family reunion at least once a year and even then we don't usually all make it. Last Labor Day all but two cousins were there. It felt so good! I want my kids to have those memories like I do, but when I was a kids, ALL of us lived within a 15 minute drive from one another until I was in middle school.

Bee and I put together a little tabletop fountain for our bedroom yesterday. Right now the only sounds I hear are the click of the keyboard and the fountain flowing. It's so soothing. We actually slept with it on all night last night. I was afraid it would bother Smart Guy, but he apparently likes it too.

We cooked out tonight. Marinated pork chops, broccoli salad, (which I'm regretting), cucumber salad, and baked potatoes. Yummy! Bee was a big help while we made the salads this morning. She stood in a chair and put everything in the bowl and stirred as I chopped. I make my broccoli salad a little different than most. First I use cauliflour too and tear it all up in small, Bee size bites. Chop up red onion really fine. Then I use chopped grapes because I do not like raisins, and I use a bunch of chopped smoked ham instead of bacon. It's more filling. I'm gonna add some grilled chicken to it tomorrow and finish it for lunch if I'm not to desparately miserable all night from eating from the bowl all night. Thankfully I'm not one to put a ton of that sweet, fattening dressing on like some recipes call for, so at least it was somewhat healthy, although painful on the gut.

Well, there will be a big announcement on here sometime next week. I wish I could spill now, but we must do announcements in their proper order to avoid the possible issues that could be caused. Some of you already know what it is, but next week it will finally be public!! Goody, goody!

Guess what? Next week Inkling will be back in the states for a little while. I GET TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND IN A LITTLE OVER A WEEK! I'll get to hug her, I'm sure I'll cry. I'll get to watch her love on the Sara Orange Gang. I'll get to sit at the same table as her and have dinner. I'll get to smell her (yah, wierd I know, of course many other things about her have changed, maybe she stinks now :)). I'll get to sit in her grandparents row at church and worship with her! Hallelujah! I'm so excited, I'm giddy! I can't wait! Next Monday it will be a year since we saw each other last. We've never gone that long without seeing each other's face somewhere or for some reason since fifth grade.... oh the torture of it all! Please pray for a safe and uneventful flight for H.D. and her next Wednesday!

I must get some sleep tonight. We're dropping Bee off a friends house around 9:00 in the morning and then heading for Indy for my 11:00 appt! I hope all goes smooth!

I've missed everyone this last week or so. I'm trying to get caught up with everyone's posts. It could take a few days or so! You may have comments show up on posts from several days ago, just bear with me for a few more days. Hopefully our net will stay up now! Love you guys... hugs.... good night!

Laundry Done

I currently have one load of unwashed laundry left to do. It's a small red load so I think I'll wait another day or two to add a few more things to it before I wash it! I feel very accomplished. Mt. St. Laundry has once again been defeated!!!

BTW... it's even put away in it's proper places!!