Friday, May 11, 2007

Hey guys, I'm still alive. No,we didn't have scones or crumpets onTuesday...just girlscout cookies orange koolaid. It was fun watching Bee sing and getting the flowerpot she painted for me. She's my precious girl and I feel like I'm missing out on so much of her (and the boys) life right now.

I so wish that I could be open and honest on my blog, but right now I have been silenced. Just know that I seriously need and covet your love and prayers right now. I've never felt this way (phys. or emotionally) before, so I'm not quite sure how to deal with it.
It's a combo of drug side-effects and real-life shit that seems even more hopeless because of what the drugs are doing in my brain right now. I have 12 more doses before they're gone. Right now I'm afraid I'll never have a "normal" life again.

Please hold me up right now because I can't seem to hold myself up right now. I'm having a hard time finding God right now. I know He's still there and waiting for me, but I can't seem to focus on anything but my patheticness right now.

Inkling was once told by a special person when something had happened in her life that that event in her life didn't define her. While in the midst of a 45 minute phone call this afternoon while both of us were sobbing, she repeated it to me. I know this time in my life doesn't have to define who I am if I don't let it. I'm working hard on that right now.

Please pray! I need it!


Lauren said...

PRAYING!!!!! E-mail me or call if you want to talk!

Anonymous said...

Hey, she posted .. now I know what is occurring :)

I am only joking. Thanks for being here for her ladies. She needs it.

This is trying to her bahooney ( no pun intended ) and at times it is winning big time.

but, we can and will get through it. It is just not going to be an easy journey. I think we need to do some Anne Lamont reading.

smart guy

Anonymous said...

kick is suppose to be in between her and bahooney ...


crt said...

I have a Maker
He formed My Heart
before even time began
my life was in hands

I have a father
he calls me his own
he'll never leave me
no matter where I go

He knows my name
he knows my every thought
he sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call

this is one of my favorites.
praying for you and yours

Kimberly said...

Oh's bad enough being out of control of what's happening in your body, but your emotions too? You've got to feel like you're being attacked from both sides!

When you feel like you're alone in this, and that as much as those around you love you, they can't understand what you're going through, remember there's one person who does understand. He suffered for us, not just our sins, but our hurts and our sorrows as well. It helps to remember that and focus on it. Even though it's hard to find that clarity, it's worth struggling for it.


Anonymous said...

you have my love, support, friendship, prayers, ears, shoulders, and email..Love you my friend

Farm Fairy & Bruno said...

I have a friend and she has love, devine perfect love...hope that all will follow a path that one journey's on...full of hope, faith and yes tears and fears. You are definded by not what happens but as to how you face it. And I shall be their in the back ground, praying with faith that you have already won this battle. Is there anything I can do? Love you heaps!

Farm Wife said...

At this point all I can do is pray. I'm praying for peace that passes understanding. The world will never know how we can stand in the face of disaster and still praise Him. We know it is only through faith...and grace.

We love our Grace & know she is being cradled in the hands of the Almighty.

zann said...

you got it.

Sarah said...

Prayers are with you.

happymcfamily said...

praying! you'll make it ;)