Hey guys, I'm still alive. No,we didn't have scones or crumpets onTuesday...just girlscout cookies orange koolaid. It was fun watching Bee sing and getting the flowerpot she painted for me. She's my precious girl and I feel like I'm missing out on so much of her (and the boys) life right now.
I so wish that I could be open and honest on my blog, but right now I have been silenced. Just know that I seriously need and covet your love and prayers right now. I've never felt this way (phys. or emotionally) before, so I'm not quite sure how to deal with it.
It's a combo of drug side-effects and real-life shit that seems even more hopeless because of what the drugs are doing in my brain right now. I have 12 more doses before they're gone. Right now I'm afraid I'll never have a "normal" life again.
Please hold me up right now because I can't seem to hold myself up right now. I'm having a hard time finding God right now. I know He's still there and waiting for me, but I can't seem to focus on anything but my patheticness right now.
Inkling was once told by a special person when something had happened in her life that that event in her life didn't define her. While in the midst of a 45 minute phone call this afternoon while both of us were sobbing, she repeated it to me. I know this time in my life doesn't have to define who I am if I don't let it. I'm working hard on that right now.
Please pray! I need it!