Good morning everyone! I woke up to several comments this morning. A few of them commenting about my strength. Trust me when I say I'm angry about this. I want to curl up in a little ball and never get out of bed, but that's not an option. I really would like to find an empty field somewhere and just stand in the middle of it and scream and roll around like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Last night I had a "mini-nervous-breakdown". I called my mom. She listened and asked what I wanted from her. She's coming over this morning and then going to my appointment with us. If I had my way, she'd just stay until this was completely over, but I know she's got a life to keep going too. She did manage to get out of jury duty this week because of this - she was glad about that.
I really want to throw something across the room and hear it hit the wall. Unfortunately all the stuff that would make a satisfying sound hitting the wall would also break hitting the wall and I'm sure I'd be sorry later.
So you see, I'm trying to keep on living, but I'm fried right now. I'm sick and tired of laying in bed. My ankles are now hurting and stiff too, another side effect of crohn's disease. So, basically everytime I walk, it hurts in two places. It sucks, it really sucks! Shidamelluck! (as Inkling said a few days ago, if your creative you'll figure it out... if your creative and offended by it, oh well, it's my hell right now and I have to express it somewhere! You guys seem perfect!) I love you. We drop Bee of at 12:45 with a church friend and then head to Indy for my 3:45 appt. Two hours sitting on my butt is not my idea of fun right now!
p.s. yes the medication is remicade, and I've been told it can be a miracle drug for crohn's disease. Many people go into complete remission within weeks on it. I really want it, but...
11 comments:
Good Luck at the Doctor today I hope that she/he has better answers for you!! Sending loving thoughts your way...
I am creative and figured it out. You go, Girl!!! You deserve to feel any way you want to feel right now. My prayer is that you will have a terific doctor today and will have an ANSWER for you. I have a friend whose daughter also has Crohns. She is getting ready to start the miracle drug. This disease is new to her in just the last year. She works full time and has had a hard time keeping up with it all. Just hang in there and know how much you are loved by many. Love and prayers HAS to help. I will be thinking about you today. Love, nlt
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry..I have some old plates and I am thinking I will go hurl them at the side of the barn for you..video it and you can play it each time you want to hear a smashing sound. I wish we all could fix this for you. We love you all.Prayers ..
I'd gladly offer up Kalli's dora toys to be flung across the room. I have to believe that seeing Dora the horror being broken into pieces would probably be incredibly satisfying....
Life sucks right now. Not going to sugar coat it. Just know that we are praying for relief. We are praying for this stupid insurance thing to be resolved. We are praying...
That said. You know that Bee has a home whenever you want her out of yours. She's a blast to have around and (although wrangling 2 little girls has solidified that I am Ok with Kalli being an only, at least for now)incredibly well behaved. It's awesome for Kalli to have someone to play with. In fact she's already asking when Bee is coming back. You deserve a metal for having 3 kids. Much more of a woman than I will ever be.
Even if you find that field and shout curses at the sky, I'll still think you're stronger than I could ever be. I agree with the other gals, you deserve to smash things if you feel like it. I always find that beating up a pillow is a great way to let out pent up angst. =) Hope the drive is better than you anticipate.
It's 2pm my time and the first time I was able to get here. If I could I would be sitting by your side with you and momma, holding your other hand and cracking jokes with ya. We'd talk about the kids so I could watch the smile come across your face. We'd talk about your days when Inkling was with ya and we'd just chill. I'd go in with ya and hold your hand or I'd take the notes for you. (I'm getting good at that part) or record the meeting for you. Then I'd come home with you and momma and make you a good comfort food meal.
I love you friend, sending prayers up and hope that you will have something good come out of all of this.
Hoping you're having a smooth ride to Indy...and wishing I could email you some Custard Cup & Royal Donut recovery food...or an Inkling.
Praying...
I hope your appointment went well. You don't happen to have a dart board, do you? I suppose that's not quite safe enough with the little ones.
Ruby here -
Just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you today and pray that today's appointment went well.
p.s. My honey said that you might check to see if the drug company has an indigent (spelling?) program for the $70,000/year drug you need. Mr. Debonaire said your doctor would have to call the drug company and you all MAY qualify to get your drugs free/cheaper depending on their stipulations for it. Thought it was worth the thought in case you didn't know such a thing exsisted.
hope all went well yesterday! praying here
Hugs to you!!!!!
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