My Mom... Suela the Doula

A doula...

• recognizes birth as a key life experience and as a fundamental rite of passage.
• understands the basic physiology and the emotional needs of a woman in labor.
• complements and works with the woman's partner and care provider.
• allows the partner to participate at his or her own comfort level rather than as a "labor authority."
• stays with the laboring woman throughout her entire labor.
• provides emotional, physical, and spiritual support

A doula is not...

• Your voice. She can, however, help you to find your voice.
• Medical personnel.
• Someone who tells you how to give birth. A doula supports you however you need.

Studies indicate that doulas can:

• decrease overall casarean rate by 50%
• decrease length of labor by 25%
• decrease the need for epidurals by 60%
• decrease the use of oxytocin (pitocin) by 40%
• help partners participate with confidence.
• decrease postpartum depression and anxiety level

*copied and pasted straight from my mom's website


My mom loves pregnant women. She is drawn to them like flies to butter in grandma's farmhouse. When I'm out with her and she sees a pregnant mom, it can be like keeping Bowzer off an unoccupied table full of food. She just loves them. She loves the power of the female body and mind and it's amazing abilities to cope during labor and delivery.

I have vague memories from years ago when my mom's cousin was pregnant. As a child it seemed that my mom was waiting anxiously for the phone call that would announce the arrival of the first signs of labor. Everytime the phone would ring, someone would yell, "Boil the water". (I have yet to actually figure that one out, there was never boiling water at the birth of any of my kids :)) Finally it came. It seems that Mom went off and came back after the baby was born. If I remember correctly this would have been my mom's first experience as an unofficial "doula".

The next time would be when I gave birth to my first child. I was in labor at 28 weeks with Prophet. There was something terribly wrong with me and even the doctors at Magee Women's Hospital (one of the best) couldn't figure it out. I was sick with something and it was causing me to have contractions that their strongest drugs wouldn't stop. My mom was with me around the clock, comforting me when I cried, laughing when I laughed, and telling me to shut up so she could sleep at 3 am when the magnesium sulfate they had given me for contractions was making me (and her) bounce off the walls (as much as someone who is bedbound can bounce anyway). She was there helping me get thru those contractions while I was still insisting on doing it without an epidural and still after the doctors made me get the epidural for fear that if an emergency occurred it would be easier to do a c-section. She continued to be there every waking moment after Prophet was born for the next almost 3 months until after he was home.

While she doesn't stay around one on one that long for her clients, for the last six years or so I've watched as my mom recieves card after card and note after note that contain pictures of newly born babies, toddlers from years past, and some with multiple children all after my mom was at their side thru the entire labor and birth process. They all contain words of praise and thanks for what she did for them in their pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Time after time, things like "you made it wonderful", "it wouldn't have turned out so great without you", and "thanks for everything" are repeated over and over.

This makes me proud!! She has a passion and she lives it!! What's even cooler to me, is that she was almost 50 when she became certified to persue her passion. Her years of dedication to raising her family were over and then she found her new passion. That showed me that I don't have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life for another 15 years or so, I can focus on my family.

I've said for years, "Show me a doula, and show me a passion." Doula's are some of the most passionate people you'll ever meet. If you want to set my mother on fire you can say one of two things "Bush is the best thing to ever happen to America," and "Epidurals are the best thing to happen to women since Eve ate the fruit." Her reply to the first one is another post altogether and her reply to the second would probably be "Actually epidurals were the best thing to happen to the medical community, because a mom with an epidural is a much easier mom to deal with. She takes up less of the nurses and doctor's time and doesn't cause any uproar." She is passionate about educating women about pain in childbirth. Most of her clients hire her for the support of another woman during their labor and because many of them are desiring a natural childbirth, or as natural as one can be in a hospital setting.

She was there with me when Bee was born naturally and Smart Guy didn't make it in time. She was furious for me when the doctors didn't believe that I was truly in labor and about to deliver and even more furious as they put that stupid scalp monitor on Bee's little scalp as she was crowning. She was also by my side when she was born and she immediately fell in love with the little girl who would someday turn into the little fireball we know today. That was the most amazing labor and delivery of my three... it was epidural free and I had my own personal (and free) doula. I actually did it drug-free and was absolutely amazed at my body and mind's ability to do what it needed to do to give life to my litte girl. I was on a high for months afterwards. Most women think I'm crazy, but I'm serious, it was amazing!!

When we go to the farmer's market on Saturday mornings, we always run into at least 2 or 3 of her clients from the past. It's cool. They are always so excited to see her and show off their child or children to her. They love her for what she did for them. She's my mom!! I'm proud of what she does. It's not just any ordinary job. It's way more than a job. It's her life.

I have to admit, it does quite often get in my way. There were times when we lived far away that family plans were cancelled or altered because she had a mom due and couldn't travel 10 hours away. It drove me nuts!! Well, it still does sometimes. The thought that she could be called away from my kids on Christmas day for the mom she has due on January 3 makes me wanna personally schedule a c-section for this Friday to prevent any possibility that she would be called away from us. At least we live close enough now that she can travel the hour here and keep in contact with her moms that are due, and if there's a sign of labor she can judge from whether this is her first, third, or fifth whether she needs to leave immediately or just keep in contact. I've often said that her job is the biggest inconvenience in my life. It's true sometimes, but I'm still proud of her.

I'm proud that she's my mom. I'm proud of the things she has overcome. I'm proud of her different job. I'm proud that so many people call her to be a part of the most intimate times of their lives. Yah, sometimes I get a little annoyed at those women who have the nerve to go into labor when it's inconvenient for me, but at the end of the day (or the delivery) she still belongs to me!!

That picture up there is of my mom holding the baby of one of her moms. She loves what she does!!



*after reading this and crying her way thru it, Mom called me and told me something I didn't know... *Right after she had me, 32 years ago, she decided then she wanted to do something with pregnant moms and labor and delivery. At that time in her life I , and later my brother, were her priority*. Being a doula takes more time and schedule flexibility than most jobs. You have to be able to drop your entire life at any given moment to go to the side of a laboring mother. Sometimes that can be for a few hours and sometimes it can last a couple of days! I've seen my mom so sleepy she couldn't even walk straight after some of her longest births! There were times in the past when she would no sooner get home, rest a few hours, another mom would call and she was off again. It's not easy, but she does it!!